PART I: WISDOM I'VE GATHERED FROM MY 20S
i'm turning 30. if you follow me on social (plug opportunity: twitter, instagram snapchat-@girlgangnyc) you know this already. in fact you’ve known this for weeks. it’s basically top five topics that come out of my mouth/fingers/face on the regular. i’ve noticed some women shy away from speaking about turning 30, others simply don't care (those are the ones that never cared about birthday’s to begin with though sooo). but for me, a birthday is a celebration of your existence
30 vibes
your. existence.
let that sink in.
so i love my birthday! and take celebrating it rather seriously. it’s an international holiday in my head. and if you’re my friend (or social media friend) then you’re part of the experience. but this upcoming 30th isn't business as usual for me. this is me saying “sayonara sucka” to one decade and “let's get this sht extra lit, extra poppin, extra cultured, extra i got extra money in my bank account so let's go travel and be cute with abs and toned arms!” to a new one
i always get super fucking deep in my thoughts when my birthday is around the corner. think carrie bradshaw writing her weekly piece meets oprah meets your favorite dominican mother. i think about what has occurred over the last year, what i learned about myself… things i liked, things i hated, my downfalls, my achievements… basically i take inventory. however, this year, as i approach 30, i realized that my inventory was not just that of a year but of 10. T-E-N! and the other day i had this lightbulb moment where i said to myself “ yari, girl (pronounced GURLLLL)- you're turning 30! and your 20s were one helluva ride. like a really fun and crazy/scary and sometimes lets never tell anyone that story until you're old and don't give a fuck ride… so maybe you should like, give the women who read girlgangnyc some of that wisdom … for free”
yes. i am a giver and wisdom is what i shall give. because i wish i knew this stuff when i was 20. because i hope one of you girls out there in the interwebs reads this and holds on to one of my sentences. because wisdom comes with age and im gonna help you be extra fucking wise right now (imagine a wise old sage here). like RIGHT RIGHT NOW. so by the time your 30th rolls around you’re so good you got more wisdom than i do at 29 {that’s a lot of wisdom yo}
i told you... if you’re my friend then my birthday is an experience - glitter not included
you’re welcome.
{ps- feel free to send me a gift if my words really move you. like lady danger lipstick from MAC or anything from this website }
kind of
PART I: WISDOM I’VE GATHERED FROM MY 20S
{a gift from me to you}
career wisdom
-no one breaks or makes your career but you. key word: you. you make it up. literally. you want to be a lazy miserable employee? you can be that. you want that corner office with prada shoes under your desk? you can have that. your nasty, manipulating, asshole of a boss is not in charge of your career. he/she might make you think they are, but its not true. you are. so get in the drivers seat and drive that sht.
-your experience is important. but who you know matters more. how much people like you matters more. so be a nice human. soft people skills aren’t taught in school, but that sht saves lives (and jobs)
-yeah, you can negotiate your salary. tap into your favorite gossip girl white character and ask for what you want, you might not get the exact amount - but close enough. until one day you're like “nothing less than 300k bruh" {tune in to advice from my 30s}
-if you’re not earning your stripes, if it doesn’t feel like you’re getting pledged a little, then you’re not really learning or growing… so seek work that challenges you. otherwise dont complain about being bored at your desk. on behalf of all your friends “stfu and do something about it”
-in a sea full of no’s there is a yes floating around, waiting for you. swim my dear (semi-related: if you cant swim, learn to swim)
-focus on your strengths, cultivate those bad boys. you are NOT meant to be good at everything. that’s why there’s other people on your team. focus on what you're great at and let that shine brighter than the fucking sun. that’s what will get you ahead. own your weaknesses, but keep it moving {everybody has them}
-don't be scared to infiltrate (the more you learn about others work the better you get at figuring out what you want to spend your days doing). so walk your ass over to x department and say "hey tommy, what are ya' working on?"
-your job should be 85% I LOVE THIS SHT, and 15% why do i have to do this report?? {if you like 100% of your job please call me}
-don’t be scared to reach out to people, maybe its a waste of your lunch hour- OR MAYBE (just maybe) its life changing and they call you the next day (because you were your charming authentic self) to offer you an interview that lands you your first job in the industry you’ve been dying to get into (true story)
-also, this is attached to the last piece of wisdom above, be patient… sometimes getting lunch takes an eight month wait
-find one executive you connect with (an organic effortless connection) and turn him/her into your friend/mentor. you want people who will go to bat for you and who will give you some of their free wisdom (read: soft people skills)
-if you get fired, it will hurt like a bitch, but you'll survive - promise
-never be ashamed of working at a coffee shop or trader joes while you interview for the job you really want, a true hustler is always hustling. plus trader joes has really good benefits...and coffee shops have coffee
-don't compare yourself to your friends and how fast their careers are moving {tough one i know} - i have girlfriends who are younger than me with bigger titles and more money. and i had to check myself about feeling ways about it. your journey is not like your friends journey for a reason - but more importantly YOUR JOURNEY IS NOT LIKE YOUR FRIENDS JOURNEY FOR A REASON! {lmk if you need me to send you a voice note so you get the bold/caps tone of this statement in all its glory}
-if the above wisdom makes you think "well fuck that, i should be with x title and x money too" then please read the 1st piece of advice on this post {also be ready to interview a lot of times before you get that job... it took me a year to land my current gig, yes i am persistent as a mofo}
-there will be many people who will try to throw you under the bus simply because they see your shine and find you to be a threat. don’t be scared of these people! just know how they move, CYA (cover your ass), and pray for them… karma is always watching {if you buy me that lipstick i’ll share stories}
-hey, sometimes you have to work at a job you’re not in love with to get to the job you are in love with. i started out in sales but worked my way into marketing {read: infiltratation}- BUT never stay at a place with a verbally abusive boss- you are not anne hathway in the devil wears prada… your happiness and self-worth have no price tag on it
-google {it's here for a reason}
-have a hobby outside of work that you love. you see girlgangnyc? no one pays me for this. i love this shit. i've also been a stylist {paid stylist, not just on instagram} and have other future plans. don't box yourself in
-lastly, don't be afraid to take risks. i said yes to a job in LA when i was 24. i know tons of people who wouldn’t dare move out of their block let alone their state. don’t be that person. explore explore explore. you can always move back. YOU ARE BIGGER THAN YOUR BLOCK! your 20s are only here for 10 years and they go really fast - so step out of your comfort zone and let the universe serve you something new and exciting. and yes- being terrified is totally part of it all!
tune in next week for wisdom on love + dating
peace & light - yari b.
{hey rashida, if you read this i'd like to offer you a part in the movie about me. playing me. it will be a comedy/action/romantic/drama}