Dating During Covid Series
Dating has never been an easy thing. Now add your little spices of an ongoing pandemic, protests for social justice and a hint of high rates of unemployment. Who else is feeling super TURNED OFF? However, here at theGirlMob we got y’all when it comes to finding spaces to feel safe and fill your own cup. Some of us have figured out ways to still get it on, find our lil summer boos or the occasional resurface of the ex. We will be hosting our weekly DATING DURING COVID SERIES with entries from our contributors. This week will be kicked off by Dee with her Covid dating story.
THE CASE OF THE EX
Quarantine has provided many of us with the time and space for thorough self- reflecting. Sometimes this means an open gap for the ex’s to wiggle through and make themselves relevant again. Or, at least that’s from the experience of what happened to me. My ex, who I was with for about 8 months but never “official” with, decided to hit me up a few months into quarantine with hopes of rekindling the flame.
The crazy part is, I should have ignored his ass and left it at that. He and I were together (on and off) from July 2019 though February 2020 pre-pandemic. How we ended has the power to make anyone cringe in horror. He straight up GHOSTED me after seeing each other in late February and that was it. After three texts and a phone call I was left with absolutely no answer. So I had to move on and although it was painfully slow to get over him, I was doing it. While in the process of putting myself out there connecting with guys and getting ready to beast mode an outdoor HIIT workout, I get a text from him. I dropped my phone, couldn’t believe it! Shaky hands and heart racing, I look at the message and it’s a video of us together listening to music. No words, only a video. Like what in the actually F*CK! You don’t talk to me for months and send me this nostalgic bull sh*t.
Well, your girl entertained it (smh)...
I took a day to respond, in order to collect all my emotions and feelings to respond to him by simply saying “Hey, how are you?”. The amount of texts I could have written were overwhelming, yet I chose the path of kindness. As we exchanged messages it became very clear to me that he only wanted one thing-SEX. His texts were filled with “thinking about you” and “come over” all past the hour of 10pm. I declined for about a week saying I was busy and also we are in a pandemic, like I don’t know where he’s been or who he’s been with.
Eventually I caved and believe the pandemic definitely caused me to lean into craving that familiar passion and sexual chemistry I was missing! I agreed to go over his place after two weeks of him constantly asking. Given the circumstances of COVID, it felt safe enough as we both agreed to isolate.
I got to his place and instantly wasn’t feeling it. So awkward. I was flooded with several emotions ranging from anger, lust, frustration and confusion. Granted so many questions remained unanswered. We sat on his couch, drank some wine, watched movies all the while sitting apart from each other. It was incredibly weird.
All of a sudden he starts dishing out compliments. “I see some things have changed, your nails are longer and your hair is longer, you look great”. Not too sure if those are the kind of compliments that make a woman take her clothes off but hey, shoot your shot, right? I was so uncomfortable because all the questions I had about us and why I was there were racing through my mind. Hence the consumption of wine began- or as we all know to call it, liquid courage.
Let’s just say after two movies and almost a bottle of wine to myself, I finally forgot about the voices in my head and went straight into a physical passionate evening. While he and I no longer had that mental connection, the sexual chemistry stayed the same. The reason I was caught up with him before was because the sex was amazing.
In the morning, things went back to a state of detachment as he went back to his distanced self. Wouldn’t cuddle with me, didn’t want to talk, and just like that our passionate night together turned to a morning of nonsense. I went home, not thinking about it and not really interested in anything more, but I still had all those questions.
Two days later, he messaged me “hey, can you talk?”. My heart dropped, and I let out an “Oh no” to this most anxiety inducing text a person can receive. I gave him a call and he said “It was weird right? You and I, it was just weird.” All I could think about was, heck yes it was weird, we never addressed the reasons why you ghosted me and never agreed that it was only going to be sex after knowing each other for almost a year! Didn’t say all that, and instead opted for a “what was weird?”. While he couldn’t directly answer the question, I knew he wasn’t looking for more than a physical relationship. We both agreed that we have know each other for almost a year and if this isn’t going any further than just sex, we should end it to save each other from prolonging the hurt.
During that phone call, I got what every woman wants when a relationship ends, CLOSURE. He apologized to me for treating me so poorly and ghosting me, acknowledging that I didn’t deserve that.
He said during quarantine he wants to make sure he was bettering himself in all the ways that would make him a better man. Boy did this have me shook, he finally saw me as a person and not an object whose feelings weren’t valid.
While this in no way has a fairytale ending and I should have never seen him, I got closure on a relationship that I held high on a pedestal that should have never been there in the first place. I understand that I was blinded by lust and great sex (best I ever had). I romanticized about a guy who was never going to give me what I wanted and deserved. I am now able to see more clearly because I finally was given the apology my heart needed to move on and the affirmations of my worth!
Thank you COVID-19 for giving me the closure I very well needed.
If you want to share any of your COVID 19 Dating Stories drop us a comment below!
