WHAT MY MOM TAUGHT ME
When I learned that she grew up with little, didn’t let that define her, and turned it into a lot for my siblings and I, I knew in that moment that I wanted to reach for the stars in my own life. So many generations have worked diligently to get to where we are today. Because of them, because of her, we are blessed. We know about the struggle, but don’t usually talk to our parents about the differences in our upbringings that factor into that, which is why I’m happy to sit down with my mom.
You have such confidence that would make people believe you were born with it. What age did you feel sure of who you were and where you were headed in life?
At the age of 16, I knew I had to be successful in whatever I chose to do in life. When I was growing up, nothing came easy. It was very hard for my mother to support three children with no help.
By 16, you were driven toward success. You planned to start your own business, and by 18, you had a movie store. When you were younger, what perception of aging did you have? How did thinking about getting older make you feel?
I honestly couldn’t wait to be of age to start working and to move out on my own. But when I was in the adult club, I quickly realized the fun was over. I learned that bills, responsibility, budgeting, accountability, and so much more. Word of advice for you: take your time and make sure you’re well prepared for the cruel world.
What was society’s perception of aging during that time? Did that have an effect on you?
No one ever wanted to be called “old.” I never paid attention to it. I was just living in the moment. But I do remember always saying, “I never want my parents to age,” because I knew my parent's aging meant I would lose them one day.
Apart from working hard, I know you put time into looking good while doing it. What age were you when you were aware of society/TV’s influence on your view of beauty?
At the tender age of 18, I was fully aware of how society wanted one to look and not look. The ideal body was like a coca-cola bottle. Cute face, small waist, and a big butt. If you didn’t have it, you weren’t pretty. Latest clothes, fashionable. Couldn’t wear the same outfit twice because you would be made fun of, bullied. Everybody fat got body-shamed, made fun of. And it’s still the same today. Luckily, I was one of the few who played into it. Even though my mom couldn’t afford to buy us name brand things, I never let it bother me.
How would you compare beauty standards from when you were young to 2019?
When I was a teenager, there wasn’t so much peer pressure as there is now on how one's body should look like and what style you should wear. Today social media puts a lot of pressure on young girls and women to get plastic surgery and buy expensive makeup and clothing if you want to be popular or accepted and validated.
How did being aware of how society wanted people to look make you feel about yourself? How did it make you feel about others?
Back then what you wore indicated your household income of your parents. Many kids wore non-brand sneakers to school and were bullied. Many kids wouldn’t go to school if they didn’t have the latest apparel. Nowadays it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, it’s the body that’s judged. I was always confident and that stuff never bothered me. The body-shaming now is one of the reasons girls commit suicide. We didn’t have social media back then. That’s why it’s so out of control now. The majority of girls and women are looking for validation on social media.
Social life and societal expectations seemed less complicated and draining for you growing up. If you had to choose, what’s one thing you love about being older?
I love how I’ve learned so much and appreciate so much. Growing up, for example, I always respected money. I started a business very young while living in Brooklyn. But you can make mistakes at any age, and I have had my fair share that taught me alot. I’ve learned how to budget better, live comfortably and be able to bless my children. That’s not something I always had when I was younger.
Growing up, what made you feel beautiful?
My big hair and my jeans made me feel beautiful. I dressed like a tomboy. I loved Farrah Faucet and when my hair was styled similarly, I felt beautiful. Especially in lipstick and wearing anything orange.
You mentioned that you dressed ‘like a tomboy.’ What was your favorite piece of clothing to wear?
My favorite piece of clothing to wear was a jean jacket. I thought they were so stylish, and I still do. My mom always had me wear one and you could wear it with any outfit. Now, I feel like I’ve passed the baton to you!
You mentioned being focused on doing well since your teenage years. But what is one thing you wish your young self knew about becoming an adult?
Being savvier with money. I’ve learned the hard way it’s extremely important to have a savings and a great credit score. Learn the difference between needs and wants. If wants are your desire, you must save for it and not use savings.
Describe a situation you’ve gone through that had the most impact on your personal growth
One of the most memorable parts of my childhood was when I was bullied in 3rd grade. These girls who were bigger than me would tease me and try to push me around. When I told my dad after school one day, he said, “You better fight them so they stop messing with you. And if you come home and say you lost, you’ll get in trouble.” Getting permission from my dad to defend myself from those girls made me feel confident. As a grown woman, I still don’t let anyone mess with me. It’s helped me be a beast in my male-dominated job and motivated me to never let anyone get in my way.
Name how a positive behavior you’ve learned as an adult helped you be a better person.
I’ve learned to love myself. Those who don’t love themselves are miserable and worried about others instead of themselves. Having God in my life and understanding His love also helped me be a better person.
What are two lessons you hope every millennial woman should know in this day and age?
Don’t worry about men. Focus on yourself. Be strong-minded. Break barriers in this world.
