What Happened America?

who here woke up to the worst possible reality? (raises both hands)

yesterday was the hardest day on my mind and spirit. i didn't want to get out of bed, i couldn't stop crying. i kept thinking to myself how? how? HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW???? in what fucked up universe does this make sense. here's the thing about me. as much of an emotional being that i am, i am also highly logical. when all else fails around me, i fall back on logic to keep me grounded when i feel the floor is opening before me. i try to make sense of things. like how numbers don't lie? like that. and yesterday my search for logic failed me. and i was malfunctioning like a mothafucka. 

i was finally able to get out of bed and go to the gym. i listened to solange over and over... i sweated out about 5% of my anger and disdain to F.U.B.U. - then i went home and cried in the shower as i listened to Hillary give her concession speech. all day i felt like someone i cared about died the most horrible death... it was like someone came into my room in the middle of the night and attacked me over and over with a bat. i could not make eye contact with my fellow POC... i found myself crying at the thought of it all. 

what's even more painful is that a close girlfriend of mine, a latina like myself, revealed to me and the rest of my girlfriends that she voted for trump. now THAT was like i found out that the person assaulting me with the bat in the middle of the night was my own sibling. we had a lengthy conversation... peaceful might i add,  and i've decided to remove myself from the friendship at this moment. do i feel sad about it? absofuckinglutely! but being friends with someone that does not understand why this is more than democrat vs republican... that does not seem to be empathetic with what this means for us as a group for the next four years (and many more because this shit will have repercussions to last us a long long time) is something i can't bring myself to do.

if you chose to vote for this person, i hate to break it to you, but you don't get to detach yourself from everything he stands for. no way around that. 

so i went to my therapy session and cried my eyes out. for the death of the idea of having a sane person as our first female president ... i wept for the loss of my friendship and for any POC who willingly voted for someone who does not stand for us at all (newsflash: his campaign completely excluded anyone that was not white and full of hate). i wept for all of us who give a fuck about progress and inclusiveness. i am aware that hillz was not a perfect candidate, i am aware of that. i voted for bernie in the primaries. but i am more aware that the selfless thing to do was to think of the entire whole, and not just of yourself. this was not the vote to throw away. this was THE vote to take seriously.

but now, as i sit and write this, i'm trying to pull myself together and to think bigger picture. as i build this brand whose sole purpose is to shine a light on the amazing things we do as women of color--  how do i continue to build this and make ya'll feel powerful, encouraged and loved? and more importantly, how do we as a brand truly move the culture and the conversation forward. how do we equip you with the right tools to make the right choices and have important conversations.

my answer: we're working on it. because i refuse to have this be a brand that's only about hashtags. i refuse to be one of the people that is outraged now but doesn't do shit later. if we sit this out, we will be left worse than we are now. this i know to be true in my heart. change takes consistency, just like any good relationship just like building a business or getting in shape.... same formula.

while we figure it out though, i encourage you to:

• check in on your friends to see how they are doing for real (s/o to my girls for doing this with me, i know i'm not alone)
• be alert and ready to help someone if another tries to attack them verbally or physically (i wish i didn't have to say this but the trump-lovers are already running wild and they need to know they will not isolate us as a group, stand up!)
• encourage your friends / neighbors / siblings - this is not the end, only the start
• share information about local elections, town halls, meet-ups etc. we'll share it too if you send it our way !

i leave you with this, which i read on my facebook feed, it was posted by a young latino brother who works at the congressional hispanic caucus institute:

"fellow millennial's -nobody is on their way to save you. that cavalry is not coming. It's your turn, you're up at the plate! these are the times that will define you as individuals and as a group.

you are the ones you've been waiting for." -            

irving j. burbano

we're here, we're with you, and we can turn shit around, but KNOW that it will NOT be over night, this is not an instant gratification thing. this will take time, and as i see it we have four years to get it right.

peace & light

{image cred: pinterest}