Roommate Chronicles: Mama Cardi*

Pt.1 RECAP: Cardi is a hippie who can't do hair.

By second quarter, Cardi started drinking.  All the damn time. She was only 20, but homegirl was chugging Bud Lights like they were Crystal Lights. We found out where she got her habits when her mom came to visit one weekend.

Me and BestFriend walked in the house after a party to find them in the kitchen starting a second 12-pack of beer. They looked just alike, both drunk off their asses, dancing around in the kitchen to no music.

Cardi’s mom was equally enamored with our blackness. The first thing she did was hug us. The second thing she did was grab our heads and yell, “I just love this hair!”. Me and bestfriend quickly retreated to my bedroom where we could be safe from the ignorance. But I forgot to lock the door and Mama Cardi barged in seconds later.

“Girls! I just love you girls”! Her hands were in my head again. I was about to push her away when she said, “ Would you girls like pizza?” -- Hell yes we would! When you’re broke you don’t turn down free food. So I allowed her to continue petting me while I called Dominoes.

I’m giving Mama Cardi’s credit card number when Cardi bangs into the room, scowling. “MOM! These are my friends mom! You have to go! You have to get out of their room!”

I’m not sure how it happened, but about ten seconds later they were physically fighting on the floor. Neither one of them was landing any hits so I didn’t worry about breaking it up. We just let them wrestle it out until they got tired and started crying on my carpet. Of course me and BestFriend are watching all of this thinking our mamas would have beat the shit out us if we EVER tried to fight them, but that’s where our cultures diverge.

By the time the pizza arrived everyone was back in good spirits. Until Cardi revealed that she got kicked out of beauty school.


:) KB

Read Part 3 of the Roommate Chronicles next Tuesday to find out how Mama Cardi took the news!

Spoiler Alert: Cardi gets a job at the strip club.

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of each person. 


{image cred: pinterest }