don't worry about FINDING FOREVER
I've been thinking a lot about time: What it means to me, what I've done with it, what I plan to do with it in the future. Time is one of the most influential concepts ever imposed on humans. Some are great with it, others not so much. There are those of us who feel like we're constantly cheated by time — it’s another tool created by the Gods to make us feel less than in a world where everyone seems to be KILLING IT 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
You know, those folks that are literally up at all hours of the night posting about their overwhelmingly eventful lives. Looking like:
There are moments in time that make you feel like a total failure. But time is also subjective (as fuck). What may seem like forever to you, is basically five minutes to someone else; and vice versa.
Time by literal definition is “the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future”. However, time by its philosophical definition, is called eternalism. Eternalism is a philosophical approach to the nature of time. It takes the position that all points in time are equally "real", versus the presentist idea that only the present is real and that the 'growing block universe' theory of time (this states that past and present are real while the future isn't) is not.
did that mean anything to you? me neither.
I continued thinking about the meaning of time. What the fuck makes it such a factor of anxiety and emotional breakdowns. Why am i always thinking I'm missing out on something? Why do I always feel I should be doing more, be further along, have more?
I was reading a post on what could be called a "self-help" site, but let us digress on the specifics of my dives into the deep web. The author of said-post was focusing on how pressed and stressed we are over the lives of others—especially in an age where everything is curated for posterity. It’s no surprise, that in comparison, we all think our lives are in shambles.
Example: “FML. I don’t have a dedicated lighting system and backdrop that allows me to take Dennis The Prescott-like portraits of my basic-ass omelet every morning.”
But remember, we're not failing— we're just looking at everyone’s highlight reel.
The other day I Twitter-stumbled on a NASA post celebrating the fact that they have been able to determine that 175 million years ago Venus' atmosphere was entirely different. They had earth-like temperatures and could've possibly held life.
One. Hundred. And. Seventy. Five. MILLION. Years. Ago
Are you fucking kidding me? Sometimes I look back and can't even track down what I did three Wednesday's ago.
We have this innate tendency to be extremely hard on ourselves and only look at the bigger picture of our lives. Yet when it comes to micromanaging our daily choices we turn a blind eye. If there's one thing I've learned in my short (28) years on the planet it's that constant accountability is the key to success.
People love to say shit like:
YOU HAVE AS MANY HOURS IN A DAY AS BEYONCE.
Of course I do, but she’s also worth $450M fucking dollars so give me a break, dude.
(Some) Celebrities are set up to be successful at time management because they can afford to hire dozens of folks to make them accountable for their time: Personal assistants, managers, press reps, trainers, drivers, nutritionists, nannies, etc. I'm just trying to master managing my iPhone Calendar app like the old queen that i am.
What's to be done when it's just me myself and I? Party of one. You have to learn to be brutal and unapologetic in your quest for self-accountability.
This morning, as i rode the A to work, there was an elderly lady on the train telling the same story over and over again. I wondered when and what caused her to lose her sense of time. When did it happen? Was it heartbreak? Mental health?
When did the people who were suppose to love and take care of her decide she wasn't enough or too much? Tears filled my eyes as she stepped off the train onto a platform alone. She was performing her usual monologue to an empty theater. Time forgot all about her. Or maybe she forgot all about time.
*Pauses for self-reflection*
After a pretty emotional week when some sobering news about some pretty strong job prospects came through my inbox, I truly felt like a failure. Reflecting back on my career I always feel like I’m not taken seriously enough, not expected to want more than what’s been placed in front of me. In relationships you want forever RIGHT NOW. Let’s start meeting the fam, let’s get an apt. You know how it goes. Dude doesn’t look at you - DAY ONE- and start playing Luther and you begin to think you're not lovable.
And so I had to decide what I'm going to do with this Timing issue. My final choice: to slow.the.fuck.down. Life's long. Enjoy every single moment. Take advantage of any and every single thing that can make you better at SOMETHING. Accomplish one small thing at a time. You don't need to be a 5-Star chef, but it would be dope to learn how to make 1-2 dishes really fucking well. Take the journey in tiny parts, and take it all in stride. Be happy, look at everything as an opportunity to learn something fun.
Apply that to every single aspect of your life, and you'll be surprised at the outcome. I know I will.
Stay Blessed - Sasha