WILL SEX EVER FEEL GOOD

 

We believe that women’s health is one of our most important subjects discussed here at MissMuslim – and we pride ourselves on starting the uncomfortable but necessary conversations regarding things like sex, vaginal health, etc. We’ve teamed up with the incredible doctors at the Women’s Therapy Center to help further those important discussions and make sure that all of your embarrassing and/or awkward questions related to a healthy sex life are answered!

If you have questions, comments or concerns please email The Doctors at doctors@missmuslim.nyc !

IMPORTANT NOTE: It’s important and necessary to consult with your gynecologist to receive a proper diagnosis and learn about next steps towards treatment.

 
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Dear Doctors,

I decided to explore my sexuality and have been recently having some difficulty with that. I have had 3 (attempted) sex partners. The first one was OK. It hurt a bit, but the second one we weren’t able to have sex at all. It was painful to try. He couldn’t even “put it in” at the end of trying. After being a bit embarrassed – I assumed the “chemistry” just wasn’t there but then it happened again with another partner. I started to worry that something was wrong so I opened up to a few close friends about my experience, one of them told me I am most likely suffering from vaginismus.

I’m afraid to go to my doctor to get a proper diagnosis. I guess, if I am diagnosed with Vaginismus – can this be fixed? Will it come back ever if it is treatable? Why was I able to have sex (albeit uncomfortable) with my first partner but not with the others. (Who I WANT to have sex with.)

Will sex EVER feel good?

Sincerely,

Engy L.

Dear Engy,

We applaud your courage to open up and share your struggle with such an intimate matter that is too embarrassing for most women to discuss! Society and the media expect women to ‘perform’ flawlessly in the sexual arena, while frowning upon anything less, which often results in women suffering in silence while pretending that all is fine during intercourse.

It is not unusual to have an ‘ok‘ first intercourse but then to clamp up in anticipation of pain when you try it again, and again. This happens because the vagina is under the influence of our Fight or Flight response (sympathetic nervous system), which gets instantly triggered by an adverse experience even as simple as a (consensual) painful intercourse. And your friends were right, this is one way for vaginismus to set in.

The inability to have penetration is not really about chemistry because the vagina should be able to go through intercourse without any pain/discomfort as long as you agree to do it. More so, there are many times when women will ‘give’ intercourse to the partner but will barter for something else in return – back rub, foot massage, etc. – because they are not in a sexual mood at that time…

Back to vaginismus: no reason to be afraid to see your doctor for a confirmation of diagnosis, especially because you have the right to decline an internal exam if you are afraid of it. Do take the time to discuss treatment options, get a referral, search the Internet for vaginismus experts – do anything in your power to address the condition. There is no reason to live with vaginismus!

The good news is that once cured, vaginismus should not come back. More so, once you’ve addressed the anxiety that was associated with vaginismus, sexual intimacy should be yours to enjoy as well.

Sincerely,

The Doctors


THE WOMEN’S THERAPY CENTER WAS ESTABLISHED IN 1996 WITH A GOAL OF ADDRESSING WOMEN’S PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL NEEDS IN A COORDINATED, ‘WHOLISTIC’ MANNER.

EACH OF THE FOUNDERS, DR. KATZ AND DR. TABISEL, WERE ALREADY ESTABLISHED CLINICIANS FOR OVER 20 YEARS PRIOR TO MERGING EXPERTISE AND LAUNCHING THIS UNIQUE TEAM APPROACH.

THIS ARTICLE ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON MISSMUSLIMNYC