THE MIGHTY CHECK
You ever have those tiny moments in between your thoughts and your actions where an inner voice whispers ‘don't you dare’?
Does the voice usually get louder and clearer just as you're about to do something you might regret? Or does the voice calmly explain to you the repercussions of your actions just as you're about to rip someone a new one? This happens to me several times a week and while I've learned to respect my inner voice with it's clear judgment – sometimes my sass gets the best of me and I boldly share all my thoughts and opinions. I have never been one to shy away from sharing how I feel about something, but sometimes – silence is the better option. Sometimes that inner voice is just trying to help us out and prevent us from looking stupid, burning bridges or worse – playing ourselves. Sometimes, it's up to us to check ourselves on our own bullsh*t, so that the people who love us don't have to do it.
Checking ourselves? Yes, girl. Check yourself. As someone who frequently makes bad decisions and can be quite impulsive, please believe me when I say it's necessary for us to check ourselves. It's 100% possible to remain true to ourselves while keeping tabs on our asshole-meter and keeping our attitudes in check. Sometimes these really icky things like pride and ego wedge themselves in our psyches and we behave like children, projecting our own immaturities and short-comings onto other people. It's very easy to blame someone else when something goes wrong or to deflect blame when someone brings it to our attention, but before we do that – we should check ourselves. It's important that we take ownership of our actions and consider the way others feel when it comes to things we have said or done. It's hard to please everyone, and of course our own happiness should come first, but by now I'm sure we're all aware that what we put into this universe is what we're going to get back. So the next time that we want to brush off the way we have made someone feel: we should consider who or what is making this decision. Is it the true us or is this our ego disguising itself and controlling our actions because we've failed to check ourselves?
So what must stay behind when we are doing our self check-out? Evaluate the reasons behind why you're acting how you're acting, is it just to prove a point? Check that. Are you sticking to your story because you're feeling some type of way or want to play the victim? Check that. Are you saying and doing things out of spite, in an attempt to make someone feel bad? Check that. And lastly, are you refusing to see the outcome of your actions and ignoring the pain you may have caused other people because you're too busy worried about the pains you think you have suffered? CHECK. THAT. SHIT.
Are you on a high-horse of judgement and consider yourself a better person for not going out every night or drinking? You can check that too because nobody has time for that. Again, sometimes our ego can disguise itself as many things, so we should be sure to pay attention to the way our energy affects others. Sometimes our ego likes to pretend it is Spirit and we develop a sallow, bitter crust of self-righteousness that is really unbecoming. So for those of us who are working on our spirit, the next time that we find ourselves becoming incredibly judgmental of someone because of how they express their joy or how they choose to unwind (partying, drinking, smoking) – we should check ourselves so our egos don’t have us out here looking crazy as hell. That's not enlightenment, that's an incredibly imbalanced state of confusion. It's so difficult to fully embody the Spirit and simultaneously judge other manifestations of Spirit. Its really important for us to check ourselves when we slip into these moments of separation and judgment.
Sadly, I have experienced both a lack of self-checking and friend-checking (for lack of a better term). Someone who I was very close to has gone off the deep end and has her head so far up her ass that she cant bring herself to see how she has hurt myself and other friends. It breaks my heart to know that someone could become so incredibly disillusioned in the pursuit of self-actualization that they flat out can't put themselves in someone else's shoes. This behavior further contributes to the veil of separation and does absolutely nothing to better us. I won't go into details of what she has said and done because I recognize her ( and everyone ) as my equal and respect the privacy of others and more simply because this is someone who I have loved and cared for.
Sometimes, when we can't check ourselves on certain things we fall into behavior that isn't truly who we are. We sometimes exhibit behavior that is foreign to our being and become irresponsible, flaky, maybe even mean and can somehow justify all of it with something callous or insensitive. I am so critical of her because I came dangerously close to doing the same thing.
Two winters ago I stopped enjoying going out all the time and found myself becoming judgmental of those who did. I found myself in this silly state of confusion and ego-centrism where I thought that I had a better connection with ‘who I am’ because of the things I did and how I enjoyed my free time. I am so glad to share that I was able to see the foolishness in that state of thinking. It is not necessarily what we do for a living or for fun that defines as a good, righteous or enlightened person - but rather how we deliberately behave and knowingly make others feel and our attitude after someone informs us that we have hurt them. I've learned to care about how someone makes me feel as opposed to what they do for fun, what they look like, where they're from... that type of understanding is so liberating. And because of that I encourage everyone to check themselves when they find themselves being judgmental.
Sometimes, we can get so wrapped up in our own mess that when someone presents us with the truth about it – we lose it. So I say that to say this: for Gods sake – check yourself, especially with how you treat your friends because they aren't obligated to tolerate your crap and sometimes, they'll tell you the truth about yourself... whether or not you like it. I hope that if you're reading this you have the opportunity to practice this self-check out because I wouldn't want you to be in her position, being self-aware is really important as you continue to grow.
If you have friends who are dancing down this path of ego-stroking then please check them – remind them of who they are and reinforce the concept of friendship. Sometimes we really be tripping on 44’s and need a reminder of who we are to prevent us from doing the very most. Sometimes, people are running away from previous versions of themselves and sometimes, people are lost and don't have the humility to ask for direction. As friends, all we can do is allow them the space to move, while protecting our own hearts and honoring their freedom. Some of us have friends who will finally come to their senses once we check them on any unwanted or unusually problematic behavior – nurture them and help them come into the fullness of their being. And for those of us with the friends who have breakdowns at the mention of the truth about their behavior – allow the universe to clear your life of those who drain your energy and of those with dark, misguided energy and send them on their merry way.
I truly believe that everything happens in its own good time. Sometimes people need to experience lows to learn how to cherish the highs. Sometimes we need to experience really awful people so that we learn to appreciate others in our lives. And sometimes, people change on us for no reason at all. Such is the world. We can't control anything - except the way that we handle our feelings. And while we can try to check other people on what they say/do – checking ourselves is always so much more effective. So this is me checking myself on caring too deeply about things I ultimately have no control over, I'm checking all of that at the door before my solar return, which is in 3 weeks (Oct.27). I'm turning 25 and this new chapter of my life is dedicated to Me, Myself and I. So with that being said, I'm calling myself out on all the things I don't need to hang onto.
So girl, if you got things about yourself that you need to change or get rid of – check that boo! Check them all so that you can flourish and blossom and attract all the wonderful things that have been waiting for you. This is your world, own it with grace and compassion... and all great things will unfold for you.
(image credit: prettygirlsandbourbon / edit our own)