Two rules that are often overlooked but MOST important when discussing both body positivity and sex are: Loving yourself first and keeping it authentic when it comes to your level of comfort. Now, can we talk about some thangs?

Like body count and weight

We all know how much society likes to toss these two terms around to put women down. You’ve all heard something like “if your body count is too high, (depending on the guy you ask and his interpretation) you’re either a good girl or a complete whore" As if the amount of men you’ve slept with determines your caliber! The issue with this patriarchal systematic manner of thinking is that, when it comes to the amount of sexual partners a woman has had, she could possibly be perceived as less worthy of: love, respect, and a relationship built with the intent of longevity. All because she has or hasn’t met the fickle double-standard (which is completely biased) set before her, rather than created by her.

Now please hear me LOUD AND CLEAR… preferences and comfort are two individualistic aspects of the human experience that should be valued, meaning the amount of sexual activity you experience with the amount of partners you so choose is completely your business, and should never be dictated by a man. As women it is vital that we understand who we are both as spiritual beings (first and foremost) and then as individuals. It should be our priority that we become well acquainted with both our needs and our reactions to them, this way we can live our lives from a place of comfort (one that is supported by our personal truths) rather than an ongoing cycle created by the world around us.

To each its own.

Through my short 21 years of journeying I’ve realized that sex can often confuse my sense of clarity when it comes to the significant others that I am dealing with. In the process of falling in and out of infatuation, lust, like, and love I’ve discovered that celibacy is definitely worth my consideration and effort. Now, again in reference to preference and comfort, this just happens to be mine (in which I want to be authentically transparent and share with you). After a few failed relationships, I’ve gained a sense of what it is that I desire most in my life, and during this specific season it is peace and clarity (two facets that are often drowned out when my sex life is heightened) so for the sake of my sanity, as of now I’ve decided to put a halt to some activity (which is my prerogative, just as it is yours to either agree/disagree). With this in mind let’s be honest... it isn’t always easy to sustain from sex and many of us have experienced the difficulties of such, which is why I mentioned the importance of exercising your prerogative.

It’s simple, if you’re going to partake you must take your health (physical, mental and emotional) seriously!!!!! It’s important that you know your body and your boundaries. As well as, make clear what your boundaries and expectations are. For centuries on end, the anatomy of a woman has been associated with being a pawn, for others to scheme on. Whether it’s done by the hands of a man, or provoked by the woman herself, society has always attempted to turn our bodies and sexuality against us, and for many of us those moments of vulnerability have allowed us to feel ashamed. NO MORE.

However, to know yourself is to love yourself and to love yourself is to… as you can imagine, know yourself! The same goes for body positivity. Weight and body image (in general) is another thing that we as women must reclaim. Health is the winning priority here, and not obtaining a specific aesthetic. Goals, in terms of how you would physically like to look for yourself is completely fine, but again ladies, the keyword here is YOURSELF. It begins and will end with you which is why you must maintain what sex and body positivity means to and for you. Support your mothers, co-workers, friends, sisters, nieces, cousins, and others while they’re discovering the ways in which they value, take care of and love their bodies.

Our perspective should always be rooted in a by us-for us mentality, meaning we stand in the trenches for one another when we’re experiencing ridicule and judgement. No matter the preference or level of comfort, regardless of the boundaries (and our agreement or disagreement of them) we must value and protect one another’s right to evolve. Because the standards regarding our sexuality and physical anatomy should only meet one set of requirements: your own.

Bri'on is a TGM contributor out of Ohio.

follow her @littlewhiteside

image post by: natalia kills